ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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