when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
