Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
love makes seman taste better
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize