Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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