I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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