cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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