worst night to have a conscience
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize