Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
