Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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