Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
