watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
