I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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