why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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