even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
