Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
