During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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