Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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