wat bout pragnant strippers??
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
soo... how was my night?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
