Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
