who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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