Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
accomplished twins. life is a go
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
