I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
