PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The best revenge is premature balding
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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