I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This is the high leading the old right now
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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