Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
