I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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