Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
