She said her name was "party"
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
