Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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