I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize