Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
