maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
