just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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