My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
