That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
