Someone shit on the floor
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
