im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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