You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i drank out of a bidet.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
