its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
