do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
