Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
