yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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