I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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