so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
