Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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