My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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