OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
