so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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