I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
