I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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