I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
