Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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