I wish I could punch you in the face.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
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Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
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Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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