R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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