Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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