If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
