I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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