***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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