True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
