my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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